Today marks one year since my mother's passing. I don't view this as a milestone, rather a day of mourning. We all find ourselves being told a memorial service is a celebration and closure of the individual who has just passed; it wasn't. I still feel cheated that she isn't here to speak with me. Too many times this past year I went to pickup the phone to talk to my mom, and boom, reality would set in. But I have to share my experience of just three nights ago.
I was extremely tired his past Wednesday night. I have been working 6 days a week, ten to thirteen hours a day. So this given Wednesday, I had just finished working over 10 hours again, when I hit the bed. I was out instantly and I soon sank into a deep sleep although I felt like I was drifting. Then suddenly my mother came to life. We shared an entire day together. I remember saying, mom, I thought you were gone." She responded she was just visiting and wanted to enjoy her time. Interesting, it was just her and I. Nobody else appeared during these moments. We had a a fabulous day and then I awoke at 3:52 AM, ANGRY! I realized it was dream, that my moment was gone. I tried vehemently to go back to sleep to resume this moment of happiness, but it didn't come back.
I had to wonder why. This was the first time that I had dreamed about my mother. It was so "REAL" and yet so impossible. I do think she was trying to talk to me and for that I'm grateful, but I still feel we were all cheated because her work on earth was not done. I still needed her and moving forward isn't always easy. Time has not healed the wounds. I actually miss her more than ever because I can't speak to her except spiritually. That's probably why she visited me; to let me know she's watching all and encouraging me to move on.
I must now leave and go visit you [my mom] at your new and final home. I Love You Mom.
